Red vs Blue: Apocalypse
by TheMasterOfSinnoh
Summary: After Caboose shoots down a pelican in Blood Gulch with an infected soldier on board, all hell goes loose as the previous deseaced of the canyon rise again. And by the way, have you heard Sarge's zombie plan?


All was quiet in the sandy symmetrical box canyon in the middle of nowhere. Two armoured soldiers in maroon and orange, also known as Private Dick Simmons and Dexter Grif were on top of the roof of red base, on lookout for blue attack, Simmons' eyes like a hawk. All he saw were large walls of orange clay and slowly eroding rubble crumbling from the large powerful canyon cliffs.  
>"You see anything?" Grif enquired to his partner.<br>"No! We never see anything! And why the hell aren't YOU looking!"  
>"I'm playing <em>Space Invaders,<em> dude!"  
>Simmons looked at him suspiciously. "<em>Space Invaders?"<em>  
><span>"Yeah! It's a neat little game where you have to kill aliens before they land! It's from the 20th century!"  
>Simmons eyed him suspiciously. "How did you get the game exactly?<p>

Grif rolled his eyes. "Look in the game file in your helmet. Everyone gets 100 free games with their armour." Simmons looked in his game file, and sure enough, there was a game there.  
>"HA! <em>Donkey Kong<em>, Bitch!"  
>"So what? I have <em>Tetris <em>AND the _Super Mario Bros._ Series!"  
>"Oh Come on! <em>Sonic the Hedgehog <em>for the win!"  
>"Sonic sucks! Go Mario!"<br>"Mario sucks!"

"SHUT UP!" The thundering voice of their staff sergeant, "SARGE" walked up the ledge towards the two. Both Simmons and Grif jumped, startled by the sergeant's gruff voice. "Would you stop lollygagging and do what you've been told? We have an imminent attack coming in from the blue army, and you two are… uhhh… what are you talking about again?"  
>"The argument between which out of the two video game characters mascot, in which are Sonic and Mario, are the best, sir!" Simmons spoke quickly and military style. He always became a kiss ass when Sarge was around.<br>"MARIO!" Sarge boomed.  
>"Woo-hoo! In your face, asshole!"Grif cheered and pointed his stubby index finger and pressed it onto Simmons' shiny visor on his helmet.<br>"Shut up, dirtbag!" Sarge commanded as he struck Grif in the back. "Sonofabitch!"  
>"Why do you say Mario is better sir?" Simmons enquired.<br>"Well Simmons, for one thing, if you wanted to be a supporter of that blasted cobalt rodent, you should of joined the blues!"  
>Simmons looked at Sarge. In the past, Simmons had always agreed with his sergeant's extremely flawed plans and illogical statements, which normally leads the squad into a tight spot, in which Sarge would put his highly complicated battle strategies, leading to the same old mishap of Grif being injured, but this time he wasn't so sure. "Any other reason?"<br>"At least Mario has a dick!" Grif moaned from a distance.  
>"Yeah, that!" Sarge agreed.<p>

Meanwhile, on the other side of the canyon, two men, one in cobalt armour and one in aqua, were standing on the blue station of Blood Gulch Outpost 1, the cobalt staring through a sniper rifle. "What are they doing?" Lavernius Tucker, the man in aqua, said to his colleague, Leonard Church. "How many fuckin' times have we gone through this? " Church scolded. Church is the owner of the sniper, and is constantly asked what is going on, as they use it to spy on the opposition. "THEY. ARE. TALKING!"  
>"Okay, okay! Sheesh!"<br>"Where's Caboose?"  
>"I…don't know…."<p>

An explosion rippled throughout the canyon, and a ton of ash and smoke puffed into the air. "That'll be him." Tucker smiled sarcastically.  
>"Oh shut up." The two men hopped off the roof to the sandy dunes of the canyon and sprinted to the site of the smoking wreckage. There, a soldier dressed in standard blue armour, standing next to a large steel hulk of metal shaped as a Scorpion tank, staring at a destroyed remains of what looks like a Pelican Transport ship. "Woah, I now know that a big thing can get broked by a little thing in a round of an explosive shooty thing." Michael J. Caboose said to his tank counterpart. Church and Tucker stared, as they slowly walked towards the crushed skeletal ship in front of Caboose and the tank.<br>"What the fu-"  
>"Oh, hi guys!" Caboose turned to his teammates. "Look what I did!"<br>"Jesus, Caboose, what in the name of Christ possessed you to shoot this ship down?" Church questioned. "Well, I saw a big spaceyship kind of thing in the sky today, so I thought it was gonna help the reds, so I asked Sheila over there-" He pointed to the tank. Sheila was the A.I. who was placed in the tank when the blues received it. "- to blow it up."  
>"And how did you know that it wasn't helping us out by shipping supplies?" Church said in a "Matter of fact" fashion.<br>"Umm… yeah, I didn't think of that." Caboose plainly stated. ("No surprise there!" Church whispered to Tucker) "Then again," said Tucker, "look at the size of the hole! He filled that bitch up with lead! Bow-chika-wow-wow!"

A large cough emerged from the wreck. A man in silver armour stood up, covered with green patches. "Help me…" he fell to the ground helpless. Tucker picked the man up and began to walk towards the base. "C'mon. This man needs help."  
>"When the hell did you stop being a selfish asshole?" Church asked.<br>"When I was treated to Grif's Sister, unlike you guys."  
>"Shut up!"<p>

"Hey guys!" Doc greeted as they returned back to base. Doc was the medic of the canyon, meaning he was neutral, which explains his purple armour. "What can I do for you today?"  
>"Doc, this guy was in a crash in the middle of the canyon. He may be hurt, and he's got weird green spots on his armour." Tucker explained as he put the man on the table of the operating room. "Wow, he's kinda hot!" Sister said as she entered the room. "Hey Sister, do you mind passing me my medical scanner?"<br>"Sure!"  
>She passed him his scanner, and after pulling the trigger, which caused the nozzle to glow bright green. He skimmed through the results. "This man has very minor injuries, but he has caught a disease called <em>Animamortiphus Apocalnipnia<em>."  
>"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Tucker asked.<br>"Maybe, after time, his spots grow into big rocks, and then hatch into butterflies, who go onto a boat to Africa!" Caboose thought out loud.  
>"Where did that idea come from?" Church enquired.<br>"I heard the word 'mort', and it reminded me of Madagascar."  
>"Caboose, have you ever considered seeing a psychiatrist?" Tucker asked.<br>"Dude, if a psychiatrist tried to see into Caboose's head, they would be driven insane, forced to be put into an insanity asylum, then THEY would try to see into their minds and go insane, and etcetera until the entire human race will have a mind like Caboose. Do you WANT to be responsible for the destruction of the planet's intelligence by making that appointment?" Church ranted.  
>"I never said that I would make the appointment. I'll just hire a guy to act like a psychiatrist, make him sleep, cut out his brain, slice it up and make a fortune on dog's meat!" Tucker replied.<br>"I have no idea what anyone's talking about…" Caboose said plainly.

"GUYS!" Doc yelled. "I NEED QUIET!" everyone stared at Doc. "What the hell is wrong with you Doc?" Church asked. "This disease is highly contagious! A noise will affect the patient and make them cough, causing the poisonous air to go through the helmet vents and into the air!"  
>"Doc, we have oxygen tanks in our armour. We could close the external breathing vents and breathe like that." Tucker said.<p>

The steady beep of the man's heart rate began to slow. Then, a painfully long beep rang out: his heart had stopped. "Shit! We're losing him!" Doc yelled. He zapped his scanner to CPR mode and shot him, attempting to revive him. A cough rang out of the man. "Woo hoo!" Sister cheered. "You saved him, Doc!"  
>"Yeah…" Tucker bored.<br>"How heroic…" Church muttered.  
>"Umm… Mister Doctor man? If the man is alive, how is the beepy-thing still going like ''?" Caboose questioned. A deadly silence washed over the team as they stared at the man, now standing up, looking limp. The spots of green had covered the entirety of the man's body armour, and as Caboose said accurately, the heart monitor was still on the blank. He was alive, but dead. "Wait," Tucker realised. "If he is standing here, and he's dead, that means he's a…"<p>

The man lunged at Tucker at lightning speed. He yelled in shock, while Church pulled out a SMG and Sister aimed a magnum at the crazed beast. Tucker struggled to kick the man off him, in which he succeeded. "Okay, dead man! Wanna be dead again!" He removed his sword from his side, which activated in a shimmering plasma blue arc of energy. He sprinted towards the man, and in one quick smooth movement, sliced through the man's neck, decapitating him , leaving a hot burn on his flesh.

"Was that what I thought I saw?" Church stared.  
>"If you thought you saw an animated corpse, your right…" Doc stated. A hint of fear was reflected in his voice."Phase 1 is over. After this, the disease spreads to all dead bodies." He turned to Church. "How many died here at Blood Gulch?"<br>"10,000."  
>"Well, you have 10,000 zombies to deal with."<br>"THERE ARE MORE?" Tucker yelled.  
>"OH MY GOD!"<br>"WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!"  
>"WHY IS EVERYBODY SHOUTING!"<br>Moaning and groaning sounds erupted from outside. "Shit… Doc, seal the doors. It's gonna be a long stakeout…"

"Sarge?" Simmons asked his CO. "Wut?"  
>"Is there a GREEN team? "<br>"What? Don't e stupid, Simmons! There hasn't been a green team since the PriCol war, in which the Red, blues and yellows fought against the Secondarys. Our Greatest victory! Why'd you ask?"  
>"There are greens over there." Sarge looked at the rising, limping Green men from the top of the canyon base. Sarge's gruff expression turned to a one of fear. "Simmons, seal off the doors, retrieve the large emergency food and ammunition supply, park the Warthog down the training area, and get Grif in here!"<br>Simmons looked at his commanding officer in confusion. "Why?"  
>"Simmons," Sarge dryly whispered to his man, loading his pump action shot gun with 18 red shells, pulling the pump back and forth quickly. "Have you heard my zombie plan?"<p> 


End file.
